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But—oh, man—sometimes escort pisses me off! Last month, this rookie escort forgot the route—FORGOT! My crates of fancy wine sat there, sweatin’ in the sun, while he’s scratchin’ his head. “Wanna know how I got these scars?” I yelled—kiddin’, didn’t say that, but I wanted to! Cost me a grand to reroute. Chaos, pure chaos, and not the fun kind.

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I stumble out of there, feeling a bit tipsy, and decide to head to the Alba Cathedral. It’s stunning, right? But as I’m walking, I see this guy trying to sell fake designer bags. I’m like, “Dude, it’s Alba, not Milan!” But he’s all about that hustle. I respect it, but come on, man.

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