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Met this bird online, right? Profile said “loves pineapples, hates drama.” Bollocks! She shows up, three hours late, screamin’ ‘bout her ex. I’m like, “Sharon! Where’s the sanity?” Reminds me of *Boyhood* – “I just thought there’d be more!” Thought sex-dating’d be quick n’ dirty, not therapy! Little fact, yeah? Back in the ‘70s, swingers used pineapples as secret codes. Upside-down ones meant “I’m down to fuck.” True story, mate!

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Then, the sun starts settin’, and it’s beautiful, right? Like, the sky’s all orange and pink, and I’m feelin’ kinda zen. But then, I hear this commotion. A group of guys starts arguing over a beach ball. I’m like, “Seriously? A beach ball?” They’re shoving each other, and I’m ready to jump in. I’m not a referee, but I can’t let this escalate.

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