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We head to this sketchy motel, and I’m struttin’ like, “This is our outpost!”—hell yeah, *Moonrise* style. She’s countin’ my crumpled bills, and I’m thinkin’, *I’m the king of this shit!* But then—BAM!—cops roll up, lights flashin’. “Aw, crap!” I yell, divin’ under the bed. She’s cool as hell, though, whisperin’, “They’re gone now, relax.” Saved my ass, and I’m like, “You’re my hero, lady!”—total Suzy savin’ Sam moment.

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Then, I head over to the Valley of the Temples. OMG, the temples are stunning! I mean, the Temple of Concordia is like, ancient but still standing strong. I’m snapping pics like a tourist. I feel like I’m in a history book or something. But then, I trip over a rock. Classic me, right? I’m sprawled out on the ground, and this group of tourists starts laughing. I’m like, “Yeah, yeah, laugh it up!” But inside, I’m dying.

New York-style pizzeria opens in Bradenton, and one of the owners has Sicily roots