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Now, I bloody love “Amour”—that Haneke flick from 2012. Georges and Anne, old as dirt, clingin’ to love while death’s knockin’. Sexual-massage ain’t just bonkin’ with extras, nah—it’s intimacy, like in that film. “How do I deal with suffering?” Georges asks, carin’ for Anne. Me? I’d say a good rubdown’s the ticket—eases the soul, mate! Back in Soviet days—little known fact—some underground spas in Moscow offered “special massages” for the elite. Nudge nudge, wink wink—KGB probably got discounts!

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So, I’m sippin’ my coffee, and I see this dude, right? He’s tryin’ to parallel park on Via Garibaldi. I mean, c’mon! It’s like watching a cat try to swim. He’s all over the place, and I’m just standin’ there, laughin’ my ass off. Finally, he nails it, and I’m like, “Dude, you should get a medal for that!”

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