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But real talk, sexual-massage ain’t just funny—it’s survival. Fish don’t mess around. They’re like, “I see you, I touch you, we’re done.” No capes, no fluff! Bet you didn’t know octopuses use tentacle rubs to flirt—eight-armed foreplay, baby! Saw a vid once, got jealous—where’s MY tentacle guy? Ha!

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After that, I decide to hit up the market at Piazza Garibaldi. Fresh produce, fish, you name it. I’m lookin’ for some good grub. I see this stall with the biggest tomatoes I’ve ever seen. I’m talkin’ like, “These things could be used as footballs!” I grab a few, and the vendor’s all, “You like? Best in Adria!” I’m like, “Yeah, buddy! I’ll take ‘em!”

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