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Oh, and the flops—lordy, the flops. Met this dude once, braggin’ ‘bout his “skills,” but bro couldn’t find the spot with a map and a flashlight. Laughed my ass off later, thinkin’, “He’s no Zodiac killer, that’s for damn sure.” Sex-dating’s a gamble—sometimes you win, sometimes you’re stuck with a dud, prayin’ for an exit. Gets me heated, tho—why waste my time, fam?

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Then, I spot this street performer on Via Mazzini. He’s playin’ the accordion like a boss. I mean, this dude’s got skills! I toss him a couple of coins, and he gives me a nod. I’m like, “Yeah, man! Keep it goin’!” But then, outta nowhere, this pigeon swoops down and lands on my shoulder. I freak out! I’m flappin’ my arms like a madman. The crowd’s laughin’ at me. Great, now I’m the town clown.

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