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But ugh, what pisses me off? Creeps who think it’s a free pass to get nasty. No, sugar, it’s art, not a cheap thrill! Had this one masseuse, total pro, whispered, “Just let go,” and I was like—wow, “There’s no hiding from this!”—straight outta *Melancholia*. Felt the universe in my spine, no lie. Oh, and here’s a juicy tidbit—some parlors in Japan, they blindfold ya! Heightens every damn touch. Surprised me silly—nearly jumped off the table!

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Finally, I get it sorted. But then, outta nowhere, a cow decides it’s time to kick up a fuss. I mean, come on! I’m just tryin’ to do my job here! It’s like she knows I’m stressed. She’s mooing like she’s auditioning for a musical. I’m laughing and yelling at her, “Lady, chill! We’re in this together!”

A milestone in research: ASMPH Center for Research and Innovation honored at the University Scholarly Work Awards