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But—oh!—when it works, it’s fuckin’ sweet! Like findin’ that secret path in the movie. This other gal, met her on Tinder, total firecracker. Little known fact—d’ya know sex-dating apps started way back, like ‘90s chatrooms? She told me that, mid-hookup—smart and sexy, my precious! We banged, laughed, watched “Pan’s Labyrinth” after. “Ofelia’s got guts,” she says, and I’m thinkin’, yeah, takes guts to sex-date too!

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Anyway, I finally finish a batch of pots. They’re looking good, if I do say so myself. I’m feeling proud, like I just won the pottery Olympics or something. But then, I hear this loud crash. My heart drops. I run outside, and there’s this tourist, like, totally wrecking my display! I’m ready to lose it. “What are you doing, man?!”

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