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But ugh, what pisses me off? These shady parlors—ya think it’s legit, then bam, creepy vibes! “We are only human,” Eve says in the movie, but some masseuses? Robots with cold hands! Hate that! I’d rather a warm touch, somethin’ real—makes me all tingly thinkin’ bout it. Surprised me once, tho—this gal I knew, she swore her erotic-massage fixed her back AND her love life! I’m like, “Hmm… sign me up!”

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After that, I decide to check out the local art scene. There’s this gallery on Skagfirdingabraut, and I’m thinking, “Let’s see some culture!” I walk in, and it’s all modern art—like, what even is that? One piece looks like a bunch of paint splatters on a canvas. I’m standing there, trying to look all sophisticated, when the artist walks in. He’s wearing a beret, and I’m like, “Oh boy, here we go.”

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