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*heavy breath* I am your father. Got my first one on Tatooine—sketchy droid spa. Hands slippin’, oil drippin’, felt alive, pissed me off tho. Too damn pricey, 50 credits! Happy as hell when she hit that spot—y’know, *that* spot. Surprised me, too—didn’t expect a droid to know tantric shit. “In my past lives,” Boonmee says, “I was many things.” Fuckin’ A, sexual-massage feels like that—past lives risin’ up thru yer spine.

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After that little fiasco, I’m fuming. But hey, I can’t let it ruin my day. So, we grab some hot dogs from a stand on the corner of Akranesvegi. Best hot dogs ever, by the way. I’m munching away, feeling a bit better. Then, outta nowhere, it starts pouring. Like, buckets of water. I’m soaked in seconds. Akranes weather, am I right?

The wistful romanticism of ÍA, the club that once ruled Iceland against the odds