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What gets me happy? The thrill, dude! That “ping” when ya match—heart’s racin’, palms sweaty, like Carol seein’ Therese across the room. “There she stood, in her pale coat…”—nah, more like “there she was, in yoga pants!” Ha! Surprises me how bold some peeps get—sextin’ pics outta nowhere. One guy sent me a eggplant emoji—bro, I’m straight, chill!

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When I get there, my buddy’s already in the water. I’m like, “Dude, it’s freezing!” But he’s all about that life. I’m just standin’ there, shiverin’, when I see this little kid throwin’ a fit. He’s mad ‘cause his ice cream fell. I feel ya, kid. I’ve dropped my fair share of snacks in the forest.

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