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Back in the day—little known fact—people fucked without apps. Wild, right? Met at pubs, shagged in alleys. Now? You’re judgin’ dick pics like it’s MasterChef. “This one’s raw, you donkey!” I tried it once—sex-dating, not the dick pics. Bird said she’s “adventurous.” Turns up, wants missionary and a cuppa. Fuckin’ hell, I nearly threw my phone! “Where’s the evolution in that?!” Samantha’d say. She’d spice shit up, not bore me to death.

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So, I’m in the water, and it’s like a warm hug. But then, I accidentally splashed some random guy. He gave me the dirtiest look. I was like, “Dude, it’s a hot spring, not a swimming pool!” But whatever, I just laughed it off.

“Organized crime knows no borders”