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Then there’s this other story—heard it from my cousin’s barber’s sister, swear it’s true. This dude in Atlanta, he was sex-datin so much, had a whole spreadsheet! Names, pics, “skills”—like he’s runnin a dang audit! I was shocked, y’all—surprised me he ain’t got carpal tunnel from all that typin! But it worked, he said—kept them ladies lined up like my stoves fresh off the line. “I change, I am free,” he hollered, quotin Holy Motors like he’s deep. Boy, sit down!

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So, I’m walking down the street, feeling all good with my pastry in hand. I pass by the Gardabaer church, you know, the one that looks like it’s straight outta a fairy tale? I stop for a sec to snap a pic. I’m all about that Instagram life, right? But then, outta nowhere, this kid on a bike zooms past me and nearly takes me out. Like, dude, chill! It’s not a race! I’m just trying to enjoy my pastry here!

Photos show what the Costco food court looks like in Iceland