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I dig it, though, the hustle. Reminds me of Heath Ledger’s “I’m an agent of chaos”—these girls, they flip the script. One time, my buddy Paulie, he hires this escort, right? Swears she’s a college kid, next day she’s on the news—some politician’s daughter! I’m like, “Holy shit, Paulie, you banged a headline!” He’s sweatin’, I’m dyin’ laughin’.

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By the time the sun starts to set, I’m exhausted. But then, this little girl runs up to me, all smiles, and hands me a seashell. She says, “This is for you, Mr. Lifeguard!” My heart melts, man. I’m like, “Thanks, kiddo! You just made my day!”