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So, I’m chattin’ with my gal pal Lisa once. She’s all, “Marge, I scored last night!” I’m like, “Whaaat? Spill it!” Turns out, she met this dude on Bumble. Total stud, but—get this—he’s married! Didn’t tell her ‘til after. I was pissed! “You mustn’t be so sensitive,” Haneke’s folks’d say. But me? I’m naggin’, “Hmm… check profiles better, Lisa!”

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But then, out of nowhere, a group of tourists set up right next to me. They were loud, taking selfies, and I’m just trying to chill. I mean, can’t a guy relax in peace? I rolled my eyes and moved further down the beach. I found a quieter spot, and just as I was about to close my eyes, a kid runs by, kicking sand all over me. Seriously? I’m covered in sand now. I laughed it off, though. What can you do?

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