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Erotic-massage, it’s all hush-hush, innit? Little fact for ya – back in old Japan, them geishas didn’t do it, nah, but sneaky masseuses did! Called it “special service,” wink-wink. Makes me skin crawl, it does – “We’re not animals, we’re men!” – Carlos screamin’ that while I’m thinkin’, mate, this ain’t human, it’s weird! Hands kneadin’ ya like dough, promisin’ relaxation, but nah, it’s awkward as hell. Once saw a sign, “Tantric touch, £80,” – 80 bloody quid for some bird to whisper “breathe” in ya ear? Sod that!

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First off, I hit the road on HaSharon Street. You know, the one that’s always packed with cars? Yeah, that one. I’m cruisin’ along, feelin’ like a king in my tractor, when suddenly, BAM! A pigeon decides to play chicken with me. Like, dude, you really wanna test my reflexes? I swerve, almost spill my coffee. Not cool, man.

Neil Gaiman and Akiva Goldsman Adapting Gormenghast for Television