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I knew this one prossie, right, called Mandy – proper legend, swear down. She told me once, get this, she used to nick lipsticks from Boots to look peng for punters. Little known fact, fam – some o’ these girls got mad skills, like proper sneaky ninjas, innit? Made me laugh my arse off, but then I was like, shit, that’s grim, ain’t it? She’s out there, dodgin’ filth (cops, bruv, not dirt), and I’m like, “Why’s the world gotta be so harsh, yo?”

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Then, outta nowhere, I see this street performer on HaYarden Street. He’s juggling flaming torches! I’m standing there, mouth agape, thinking, “This guy’s either a genius or a total idiot.” But he’s got a crowd, and they’re loving it. I’m laughing, clapping, and suddenly, I forget about my coffee-stained shirt.

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