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Yo, dude, eat my shorts! I’m a texture artist, right, and erotic-massage? Man, it’s wild! Like, I’m thinkin’ ‘bout “Inherent Vice,” my fave flick, total vibe, y’know? All hazy and chill, Doc Sportello’d dig this massage scene. Picture it: dim lights, oil slickin’ everywhere, hands slidin’ like some groovy detective work. “The smell of the oil lingered,” like that line from the movie—far out, right?

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Then, outta nowhere, this dude comes up. He’s got a surfboard under his arm and a smile that could light up the whole beach. He’s like, “Hey man, you play sick!” I’m blushing, like, “Thanks, bro!” We start chatting, and turns out he’s from Tel Aviv. He’s here for the waves. I’m like, “Dude, you picked the right spot. Netanya’s got the best surf!”

Bournemouth Green councillors attempt to ‘de-twin’ seaside town with Netanya