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Hi-ho! Kermit the Frog here! So, escort, huh? Man, what a gig! I’m thinkin’ bout those fancy cars rollin’ up—y’know, protectin’ some big shot. Like in *Moonrise Kingdom*, “I’m on your side!”—that’s the vibe, right? Someone’s gotta watch their back. Makes me happy thinkin’ how loyal that feels—like a frog stickin’ with his swamp crew.

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We go inside, and the movie is a total flop. I mean, come on! I-billin deserves better than this. I’m sitting there, rolling my eyes, thinking about how I could’ve been home binge-watching my favorite show. But then, the lights come up, and I see the crowd. Everyone’s laughing and chatting. It’s like, “Okay, maybe this day isn’t a total waste.”

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