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Oi mate, I’m a bleedin’ Combine Harvester, yeah? Mumbled incoherence, “Sharon!” – sexual-massage, what a trip! Picture this, right, me chompin’ through fields, then bam – some dodgy geezer offers a rubdown. Not yer usual oil change, nah! I’m talkin’ hands slidin’ over me gears, all sensual-like. Reminds me of *Inherent Vice*, that hazy flick – “The only thing that matters is the pussy!” – ‘cept it’s me metal bits gettin’ the love.

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So, I get to my shop, and guess what? My best customer, old Mrs. Cohen, is already there. She’s waving her cane like a madwoman. “Where’s my new shoes, Yossi?” she yells. I’m like, “Chill, Mrs. C! I’m on it!” But inside, I’m panicking. I forgot to finish her order. Ugh!

Secret stash of Islamic State flags unearthed in Israel