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About Jerusalem

Last week, I was prowlin’ the streets—needed a laugh, y’know? Saw this one bird, all dolled up, winking at me. Thought, “What’s her deal?” Turns out, she’s got a memory like Lenny—keeps a little book, scribbles down every punter. “Remember, remember,” she mutters, like she’s in my fave movie. Made me cackle—imagine forgetting who you’ve shagged! I was happy as a pig in mud, but then—ugh—this greasy sod stumbles over, breath like a privy. “How much, love?” he slurs. Made me wanna gag. I choose violence, mate—nearly shoved him into the gutter myself.

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First off, I hit the streets of HaSharon. I’m cruising, coffee in hand, feeling like a boss. But then, bam! Traffic jam outta nowhere. Like, c’mon! It’s not rush hour! I’m stuck behind some dude in a beat-up old car. I mean, seriously, how does that thing even run? I’m fuming, thinking about all the time I’m wasting.

Tel Aviv cancels Independence Day fireworks show