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Personal quirk? I’m hummin’ my theme song in my head, “Sweet Child O’ Mine,” while they’re kneadin’ me – keeps me chill, brother! Ever tried it yerself? Surprised me how it’s half-wrestlin’ match, half-dreamland – muscles screamin’ “tap out” but yer soul’s like, “keep it comin’!” Pro tip, brother: find a spot with dim lights, good tunes, not some fluorescent-lit dump smellin’ like old gym socks. That’s the Hulkster’s gospel, dude – sexual-massage ain’t just a rub, it’s a freakin’ experience! Whatcha gonna do when them hands run wild on you, brother?!

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Finally, I get home, and I’m exhausted. I flop on the couch, and my phone buzzes again. It’s Amir. “You coming out tonight?” I’m like, “Dude, I just had the day from hell.” But then he says, “They’re playing live music at the park!” And I’m like, “Fine, I’m in.”

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