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Still, some gems—my mate Dave pulled a fit bird off Bumble. Proper chuffed, he was! Shagged her in a car park—classy, right? Told me it’s like “killin’ without guilt”—pure thrill, no strings. Reckon he’s mental, but fair play. Me? I’d rather watch my fave flick than swipe through this circus. Sex-dating’s a laugh—till it’s a fuckin’ nightmare! What a shambles, eh?

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Finally, I get home, and I’m exhausted. I flop on the couch, and my phone buzzes again. It’s Amir. “You coming out tonight?” I’m like, “Dude, I just had the day from hell.” But then he says, “They’re playing live music at the park!” And I’m like, “Fine, I’m in.”

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