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I reckon it’s brill tho, sometimes. Gets lonely at the checkout, yeah? Seein’ couples buyin’ condoms—jealous as hell! Tried it meself once, got a date. She ghosted me, rude cow. Felt like “a giant invisible diving bell” dropped on me head—crushed! Still, heard this mad story—bloke met his missus on Grindr. Ten years ago, when it was proper underground. Secret hookups in carparks, wild shit!

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And then, the cherry on top—this lady with a dog gets in. A tiny dog, but it’s barking like it’s a lion. I’m losing it. I’m like, “Can we not?” But she’s all, “He’s just excited!” I’m thinking, “Yeah, well, so am I, but I’m not barking!”

Residents near security barrier protest ‘abandonment’ amid Hamas gunfire from West Bank