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Oi, you donkey! Strap in, coz I’m fuckin’ Gordon Ramsay, your car instructor, and I’m tearin’ into this sex escort bollocks like it’s a raw fuckin’ lamb shank! Right, sex escorts – these birds or blokes you pay to shag, yeah? Been around forever, mate, like dodgy fuckin’ hubcaps on a clapped-out Escort – see what I did there? Hah! Anyway, I’m thinkin’ ‘bout that flick, *The Master*, right? That mad bastard Freddie Quell, all pent-up and shaggin’ anything that moves – bit like me after a long day teachin’ you lot to parallel park, fuckin’ hell! “There’s a cycle, like life,” he’d say, and ain’t that the truth with escorts? Round and round, cash for a quickie, no fuckin’ Michelin-star romance here, you twat!

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So, I’m sitting there, munching away, when I overhear this couple arguing. They’re going at it, and I’m just trying to enjoy my pastry! But then, the guy says something that cracks me up. He’s like, “You think I’m gonna let you control my life?!” I’m thinking, “Dude, you’re in Abu-Sinan. Chill out!”

Khalil Awawdeh: Palestinian who was on a 172-day hunger strike