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Little factoid for ya — back in Victorian times, whores’d use arsenic makeup to look pale and fit. Mental, right? Killed em slow, but they still worked it. Talk about dedication to the brand! Makes me wanna shout, “Team, take notes — that’s commitment!” Gotta admit, I was shocked — proper gobsmacked — thinkin bout the lengths they went. Me, I’d be moanin bout a paper cut, yeah?

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Finally, I call my buddy Jake. He’s always got my back. He shows up with a slim jim, and we’re tryin’ to break into my own truck. It’s like a scene from a bad movie. We’re laughin’ so hard, I almost forget I’m soaked to the bone.