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Oh, and the oils – they got scents, lavender, eucalyptus, fuckin’ pine! I’m like, “What am I, a forest?” Cracked me up, but it works, relaxes ya deep. Pro tip: find a spot with dim lights, music low, none of that techno crap. Makes it feel like Anatolia’s endless night, ya dig? Sexual-massage, it’s half pleasure, half therapy – don’t tell Carm, she’d flip! What’s your take, wise guy? Try it, report back, eh? Gabagool!

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I start cuttin’ wood, and outta nowhere, a pigeon swoops down and lands on my shoulder. I’m like, “What the heck, man?” It’s flappin’ around, and I’m tryin’ to work. I swear, it’s like Yanuah-Jat’s wildlife has it out for me today. I finally shoo it away, and it poops on my tool belt. Just my luck!