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Best part? When it works. Met this chick once—curly hair, wicked smile—thought I’d narrate her life in my sleep. We vibed, no strings, just fun. Felt like a win—like, “Everything seems unreal,” like in the flick. But then, oh man, the flops—dude sent me a dick pic with a ruler next to it. A RULER! Who does that? Laughed so hard I choked—then blocked him. Sex-dating’s a circus, I swear.

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Then, outta nowhere, this kid starts screaming. I look over, and he’s flailing like a fish outta water. Turns out, he’s just mad ‘cause his ice cream fell. I mean, c’mon dude, it’s just ice cream! But I get it, I’d be upset too. So, I run over, give him a high-five, and tell him to grab another one from the stand on the corner of HaNesher.