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What pisses me off most? The fakeness. Catfishin’, ghostin’, all that garbage. People lyin’ about height, jobs, everythin’. Like Robert Ford, “a coward always seeks to impress.” Sex-dating’s full of ‘em – posers beggin’ for attention. I’d rather wrestle a bear than fake a smile for that. Oh, and the STDs – y’all know they’re spikin’ ‘cause of this? Nasty surprise, but not shockin’. Wrap it up, idiots.

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But then, things get wild. I spot this group of teenagers near the rocks by the beach. They’re all like, “Look at us, we’re so cool!” But then, one of ‘em slips and goes tumbling into the water. I’m like, “Oh no, not today!” I dive in, and it’s like a scene from a movie. I’m swimming, dodging waves, and finally grab the kid. He’s all, “Thanks, man!” while I’m just trying not to drown myself.