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But ugh, got mad once—dude promised “relaxin’ vibes,” charged me a gazillion bucks! Rip-off! I was all, “Sy Ableman wouldn’t do this!”—y’know, that chill guy from the film? Shoulda been all calm n’ sexy, not me yellin’ like a barnacle! Still, when it’s good, it’s gooood—muscles all loosey-goosey, tingles everywhere! Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but who cares, it’s fun!

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Professional massages by therapists in the center of Tel Aviv, Ben Yehuda Foot massage, oil, traditional Thai, back and shoulders, hands, head.

So, I dive into the machine, and it’s a mess. I’m elbow-deep in grease and metal shavings. I’m sweating like a pig, and I’m thinking, “This is not what I signed up for.” But then, I fix it! I hit that button, and it roars back to life. I’m feeling like a rockstar. “Yeah, that’s right! Who’s the boss?”

Protesters in Tel Aviv urge Germany to stop sending arms to Israel