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I tried it once, bro—got this chick massagin’ me, hands all over, and I’m like, “Whoa, calm down, Tony’s gonna lose it!” Made me happy as fuck, but pissed too—why ain’t this everywhere? Society’s all tight-assed about it, actin’ like it’s dirty. Bullshit! It’s art, man, pure art. “Talk to Her” style—silent connection, y’know? “Her skin’s so soft,” that’s what I’m thinkin’ while she’s kneadin’ me like dough. Surprised the hell outta me how it’s not just horny vibes—relaxes you deep, like soul-level shit.

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But then, out of nowhere, a group of tourists set up right next to me. They were loud, taking selfies, and I’m just trying to chill. I mean, can’t a guy relax in peace? I rolled my eyes and moved further down the beach. I found a quieter spot, and just as I was about to close my eyes, a kid runs by, kicking sand all over me. Seriously? I’m covered in sand now. I laughed it off, though. What can you do?

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