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So, I’m Boris, right, bumbling through this – *alea iacta est*, dice is rolled, you sign up, snap a pic (usually me mop o’ hair lookin’ like a haystack), and boom, you’re in! Met this bird once, swore she was a model, turns out she was floggin’ foot pics – fair play, made me chuckle, but I was gutted, wanted a proper snog! Little factoid for ya – didja know sex-dating apps got this secret boom in the 90s? Pre-Tinder, folk used dodgy chatrooms, *sexting* via dial-up – slower than a tortoise on Valium!

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But then, I see this old lady struggling with her groceries. I rush over, ‘cause that’s just what you do, right? I help her carry the bags, and she starts telling me about the good ol’ days in Shibli-Umm-al-Ghanam. She’s talking about how the streets used to be filled with laughter and music. I’m like, “Yeah, but now it’s just me and my sharpening stone.”

Israel captures four of the six Palestinians who escaped from Gilboa prison