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So, here’s the deal—sexual-massage ain’t your grandma’s back rub. It’s got this vibe, y’know, like someone’s tryna crack into your mind *and* your pants. “The dream is collapsing!”—I’m yellin that in my head while she’s kneadin my shoulders. Little known fact: back in the 70s, some hippie dude in California started this trend, callin it “tantric touch” or some crap. Got busted for it too—cops didn’t buy the “spiritual” excuse. Hilarious! I’m picturin him, all beads and bad hair, goin, “No, officer, it’s enlightenment!” Yeah, right, pal.

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Then, outta nowhere, the power goes out. Just poof! Dark. I’m standing there, like, “What the heck?” Everyone’s freaking out. I’m trying to keep it cool, but inside, I’m like, “Great, just great.” So, I grab my phone, turn on the flashlight, and keep ringing people up. It’s like a mini disco in there.

Sophia Wiard sets Oakridge’s all-time scoring record, and she’s far from done