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Great Scott! Sex-dating, huh? Wild stuff! I’m sittin here thinkin bout it—man, it’s like Melancholia, that flick I love. “The Earth is evil,” Kirsten Dunst says, all gloomy-like, and sometimes sex-dating feels that way too—dark, messy, chaotic! You got folks swipin right, lookin for a quick bang or somethin deeper, and half the time it’s just a damn trainwreck. I mean, who’s got time for all that nonsense? Back in my day—well, not MY day, but you get it—we didn’t have apps for this crap. Now it’s all “DTF?” and ghostin left and right.

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After I break that up, I head to the cafeteria. You know, the food’s usually terrible, but today? They actually had some decent falafel. I’m munchin’ away, thinkin’ life’s not so bad, when I hear this loud crash. Turns out, some dude dropped his tray. I laugh, but then I see the look on his face. He’s mortified. I’m like, “Dude, it’s just food. You’ll live!”

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