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So, sexual-massage—little known fact? Ancient tantra vibes, like 5,000 years old, India’s horny monks invented it. Not kidding! They’re all “energy flow, chakras, boom, arousal!”—genius, right? Makes me happy, like, finally, some old dudes got it poppin’. But modern spas? Pfft, half the time they’re scared to say “erotic.” Chickens! Call it what it is, dahlings—sensual AF.

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After that, I decide to stroll over to the park near the old mosque. It’s a beautiful spot, man. Kids are playing, families are chilling. I sit down on a bench, just soaking it all in. But then, outta nowhere, this kid runs by and kicks a soccer ball right into my face! I’m like, “What the heck?!” Everyone’s laughing, and I’m just sitting there, stunned. I mean, I didn’t sign up for a face full of soccer, ya know?

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