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So, I tried it once—dude’s hands were magic, swear! Felt like my spine was singin’, “Anyone can cook!”—or, y’know, anyone can knead ya into mush. Little known fact: back in ancient China, emperors got this shit to “balance chi.” Imagine that—some royal geezer, oiled up, gruntin’ while a servant’s like, “Chi’s good, boss!” Wild, right? Made me happy as hell—stress gone, poof! But then, this one time, chick used too much oil—slipped off the table, bam! Pissed me off—ruined my vibe, y’know?

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By the time I’m done, I’m starving. I hit up a falafel place on Herzl Street. Best falafel in town, no contest. I order a pita, and the guy behind the counter is super friendly. He’s like, “You want extra tahini?” I’m like, “Duh, always!” But then, I drop it. My pita, my precious falafel, right on the ground. I’m standing there, staring at it like it’s the end of the world.

Israeli right-wingers staged a pogrom against Reform Jews as the opposition stays silent