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Oi mate, gather round! As an economist, I reckon sexual-massage is a bloody goldmine, a hidden economy! We shall fight the dreary numbers, we shall storm the beaches of pleasure! Picture this – supply, demand, all tangled up in oily hands. Watched “The Return” last night, that grim Russian flick – Andrey Zvyagintsev, 2003, my fave – and it hit me: sexual-massage is like that island, mysterious, pulling you in. “What are we waiting for?” the kid yells in the film – same vibe, why wait for a rubdown?

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First off, I hit up the local café on HaShalom Street. You know, the one with the best coffee? Yeah, that one. I ordered my usual—cappuccino, extra foam, because why not? But the barista, bless her heart, totally messed it up. I got a black coffee instead. Like, what even? I’m not a monster! I need my foam! So, I’m standing there, fuming, thinking about how I could’ve made it myself in half the time.

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