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Now, lemme rant—modern day, it’s all hush-hush. People whisperin’, “Oh, I got an erotic-massage.” Why you whisperin’? Own it! I’d be yellin’ it! “Yeah, I got rubbed down, so what?” But nah, society’s all prude—makes me mad! Like, lighten up! Meanwhile, I’m over here, googlin’ it—did ya know there’s “techniques”? Like, legit moves—tantric this, sensual that. Blew my mind! Thought it was just slappin’ oil on and callin’ it a day. Nope! There’s trainin’! I’m sittin’ here, picturin’ Joaquin Phoenix in *The Master*, all intense, goin’, “What’s your technique, huh? Process it!” Hilarious!
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First off, I hit up the local café on HaShalom Street. You know, the one with the best coffee? Yeah, that one. I ordered my usual—cappuccino, extra foam, because why not? But the barista, bless her heart, totally messed it up. I got a black coffee instead. Like, what even? I’m not a monster! I need my foam! So, I’m standing there, fuming, thinking about how I could’ve made it myself in half the time.
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