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I heard this one story—true stuff, swear it!—back in Japan, old geishas did this secret rubdown for samurais. Not kiddin’! Little known fact: it wasn’t just tea pourin’, they’d sneak in some sensual massage—kept it hush-hush, tho. Made me happy thinkin’ ‘bout history bein’ so spicy! But then—D’oh!—I got mad ‘cause Marge won’t lemme try it. “Homer, you idiot!” she’d say, and I’m like, “Aww, c’mon, it’s research!”

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Finally, this dude shows up, all flustered. He’s like, “Sorry, man, traffic was nuts!” I’m like, “Dude, it’s Qiryat-Bialik, not Tel Aviv!” But whatever, we get to talking. He wants to renovate his place on HaRav Kook. I’m all in, throwing out numbers like confetti. But then he starts nitpicking every little thing. “Can we do this cheaper?” “What about that?” I’m like, “Bro, you want a mansion on a budget?!”

Edmonds Petanque Club teams compete in Barcelona