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Oh, and the oils—don’t get me started! They’re all scented, slippery, makin’ ya feel like a goddess or somethin’. I was shocked—*shocked*—how quick I forgot the altitude sickness. Poof! Gone! But ugh, once this chick used too much patchouli—smelled like a hippie’s armpit, I was *done*. “This ain’t no dream, it’s a nightmare!” I screeched, channelin’ my inner Ellen Burstyn from the movie, ya know? *HEE-HEE-HEE!* Still, when it’s good, it’s *good*—like, “I’m goin’ crazy here!” levels of good.

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I’m like, “Not on my watch.” I step up, and it’s like a showdown. I’m tryin’ to keep it cool, but my heart’s racin’. I’m thinkin’, “This is it. This is how I go down.” But then, the guy just laughs and walks away. I’m like, “What just happened?”

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