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Aight, listen up, ya friggin' morons! I’m Eric Cartman, from Hawaii, bitches, and I’m here to tell ya ‘bout escorts. RESPECT MY AUTHORITAH! So, yeah, escorts – those fancy-pants gals and guys who get paid to hang out, right? Like, I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ ‘bout *Moonrise Kingdom*, my fave damn movie, and how Suzy’s all badass with her books and binoculars, scopin’ shit out. Escorts are kinda like that – they scope YOU out, but with more, uh, *servicin’*. Heh, sweet!

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So, I’m waiting in line, and this dude in front of me spills his drink all over the counter. Like, c’mon man! It’s not that hard to hold a cup! I’m standing there, fuming, thinking about how I could’ve been out hunting instead of waiting for this clown. But whatever, I finally get my coffee, and it’s like liquid gold.

Red Line stations have inadequate access outside Tel Aviv