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So. Here’s. The. Deal! You. Swipe. You. Chat. You. Meet. Boom! Sometimes. It’s. Smooth. Like. A. Freshly. Paved. Road. Other. Times? Total. Wreck! I’ve. Seen. Dudes. Crash. Hard. Bragging. ‘Bout. Their. “Skills”. But. Can’t. Even. Park. Straight. Ha! Sex-dating’s. Like. Drivin’. Manual—you. Gotta. Shift. Gears. Fast. Or. Stall. Out. Little. Fact? Back. In. The. ‘90s. People. Used. Newspaper. Ads. For. This! Called. ‘em. “Personals”. Horny. As. Hell. Just. No. Pics. Imagine. That. Blind. Date. Disaster!

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Finally, I get to the right spot, and guess what? The client’s not there. I’m about to lose it. I’m pacing back and forth, thinking, “This is a nightmare.” But then, out of nowhere, this little kid runs up to me. He’s got a huge smile and says, “Mister, you’re a hero!” I’m like, “What? Me?” He thinks I’m delivering toys or something. It’s cute, but I’m still stressed.