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Greetings, my friend! I, Gandalf, wielder of wisdom, bearer of the staff, and fan of “Moonrise Kingdom,” shall enlighten thee on this curious matter—sexual-massage! You shall not pass without hearing my ramblings, so buckle up, ya fool! This ain’t no ordinary rub-down; it’s a wild ride, a sneaky lil craft, like Sam and Suzy plotting their escape in that quirky flick. “We’re in love, we’re runnin’ away!”—that’s the vibe I get when folks dive into this steamy world.

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Then I head over to the community center on HaRav Kook Street. I’m supposed to give a talk about kindness or whatever. But as I’m walking, I see this kid, maybe 10 years old, crying by the playground. I’m like, “What’s up, little dude?” Turns out, he lost his favorite toy. I mean, come on! I can’t just walk away. So, I spend like 20 minutes helping him look for it. We check every nook and cranny. Finally, we find it in the bushes. The kid’s face lights up like it’s Hanukkah! I’m feeling all warm and fuzzy inside.

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