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I try once in Almaty, lady with strong hand, she push my back, I scream, “Righteous!” like turtle dude in movie. She say, “Relax, Borat, this ancient trick!” True story, they say erotic-massage come from old China, like 2000 year ago, emperors get it, feel like king! Not just sexy-time, it fix you up, make blood flow, boom-boom, very surprise me! I think, “Why nobody tell Borat this before?!” Make me angry at my cousin Bilo, he keep secrets!

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Then, I get to my office, right? And guess what? My phone’s blowin’ up. Clients are callin’ left and right, all hyped about some random soccer match. I mean, c’mon, it’s just a game! But hey, I’m a bookmaker, so I gotta roll with it. I’m tryin’ to keep my cool, but inside, I’m like a pressure cooker ready to blow.

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