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So, like, I tried it, right? Met this hottie—tall, tatts, perf profile. We’re texting, sexting, whatever—total “enhanced interrogation” energy! But IRL? Dude shows up, shorter than my heels! I’m like, “Are you f*cking kidding me?” Made me so mad, I nearly yeeted my phone. Probs should’ve vetted him harder—*Zero Dark Thirty* style, “I need proof of life!”

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So, I finish my drink and head over. The bookstore is tiny but cozy. I’m browsing, and I find this old comic book. It’s like a blast from the past! I’m grinning like a kid in a candy store. But then, I notice the price tag. Seriously? Who pays that much for a comic? I put it back, but I’m still smiling.