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I tried it once, fam—dis bird in Staines, she’s rubbin’ me shoulders, and I’m like, “Is it ’cos I is black?” ’Cos she’s goin’ extra hard, innit! Made me laugh, tho—felt like she’s tryna sandpaper me soul. Little known fact, bruv—back in ancient Rome, dey used erotic-massage to chill out gladiators. True dat! Slap some oil on, knead dem muscles, and boom—ready to fight lions. Dat’s mental, right? Got me hyped thinkin’ ’bout it.

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First stop, the park on Maple Ave. I thought I’d chill for a sec. But nah, there’s this kid, like, 10 years old, flying a drone. And it’s buzzing around like a bee on steroids. I’m just trying to enjoy the trees, and this kid’s about to take out my head! I’m like, “Yo, kid! Control that thing!” He just laughs. Kids these days, right?