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Now, I reckon it’s like *Fish Tank* – raw, real, bit grubby. Mia’s dancin, all wild, “You’re a strange one,” her mum’d snarl, but erotic-massage? It’s strange too, ain’t it? Not your bog-standard spa day – nah, this is sneaky, under-the-radar stuff. Did ya know, right, in Japan they’ve got this *nuru* malarkey? Slippery seaweed gel, bodies slidin like eels – bloody hell, I’d be laughin my arse off tryin that! Nearly fell off me chair readin bout it, swear down.

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After that, I’m walking down Oak Street, and I see this street performer. He’s juggling flaming torches. Like, what?! I’m standing there, half in awe, half terrified. I’m thinking, “Dude, one slip and you’re toast!” But he’s nailing it. I’m clapping, and he winks at me. I’m like, “Yeah, I’m your biggest fan!”