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I tried it once, real talk. Some chick named Tanya, hands like a damn wizard. I’m layin there, butt-naked, tryna not laugh. She’s rubbin my back, talkin bout “release tension.” Tension? Bitch, I’m tense cuz you’re kneadin me like dough! Got me thinkin, “Is this allowed to feel *this* good?” Little known fact—ancient Rome had this shit too. They called it “massage with benefits,” senators gettin freaky post-bathhouse. History’s nasty, yo.

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I rush over to their place on HaGolan Street. It’s a nice house, but the stove? Total wreck. I’m sweating again, trying to fix it while the kids are running around, screaming. I’m thinking, “Why do I do this?” But then, the mom brings me a slice of cake. And let me tell you, it was heavenly! Suddenly, I’m all smiles again.

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