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So, sex escorts – whew, where to start? Met this gal once – swear it’s true – she said, “Joe, I made 500 bucks in an hour!” Blew my mind! Happiest I been since sniffin’ Amtrak seats. But then – get this – she says, “Half goes to the pimp.” Half! Made me madder’n a wet hen. Folks, that’s highway robbery! “You’re tearing me apart!” I yelled, quotin’ the movie, ‘cause it’s unfair, plain and simple.

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First off, I hit up the local café on HaRishonim. You know, the one with the best coffee? I order my usual, a cappuccino, extra foam, because why not? The barista, this dude named Avi, spills half of it. I’m like, “Bro, I didn’t order a coffee shower!” He just laughs. I mean, come on, it’s too early for this nonsense.

A mohel reflects: Blood on all our hands