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So I’m sat here, thinking—who’s falling for this? Some lonely sod, probly. Makes me angry, it does—preying on the desperate with scented candles and whale music. Had a mate once, swore it “freed his chakras”. Freed his wallet, more like! I was happy to take the piss—cackled for days. Surprised me though, how many buy into it. Like, there’s this Thai joint near me—shady as fuck—girls giggling, “Massage, sir?” Yeah, right, love, pull the other one!
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Fast forward, she shows up, and I’m trying to fix this coat while she’s hovering over me like a hawk. I’m sweating again. I’m like, “Chill, it’s just a little tear!” But she’s acting like I’m performing surgery. I finally fix it, and she’s all smiles. I’m like, “Great, now I can breathe!”
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